Pleasure, often a subject shrouded in secrecy and shame, has the potential to be a profound tool for sexual healing. In addition to sexual pleasure, it can help us build a deeper connection to our bodies and free us from the burden of sexual shame and stagnant energy.
It is important to understand that if you experience feelings of guilt or shame related to masturbation, you are not alone in these feelings. It is also important to realize that there is nothing shameful about having sex with yourself. Accepting this fact is the first step towards eliminating shame and negative feelings.
Why do we feel shame?
We all know that women's sexuality and pleasure have been silenced to death for years. This is often due to cultural, religious and moral reasons that have portrayed women's sexual pleasure as something dirty, dangerous or something that should bring shame to women.
The body remembers and stores past experiences and emotions, both positive and negative. If at some point in your young years, you were instilled with shame for feeling pleasure in your body or touching yourself while the adults were watching, then this can propagate as shame and sexual anxiety in your adult years.
Many of us walk around with deep wounds, grief, shame and guilt. We carry around what our first lovers said to us, we carry around comparisons, abuse and a lot of other things inside. Sometimes we unconsciously hold shame from past experiences and unconsciously let it simmer inside us. If it remains suppressed long enough, these feelings can manifest as physical or emotional blockages. Such that you resist having intimacy with a partner or surrendering fully to your sexual pleasure and orgasms. Perhaps you find it difficult to talk about your needs, longings and erotic fantasies, and/or find it difficult to take control in bed.
Can you recognize this? If so, then your life may be ruled by shame.
Traditional Chinese medicine perspective
In traditional Chinese medicine, emotions and energy are connected. Stagnant emotions and energy can disrupt the flow of Qi (life energy) in our bodies, which can lead to "imbalance" or "discomfort." Therefore, maintaining a healthy energy flow is important for overall well-being. Shame is something that disrupts the flow of energy. Shame is not something that comes from within you, but is something that has come from outside.
Self-pleasure is a powerful tool for releasing shame
Self-pleasure, when practiced with intention and awareness, can be a powerful means of releasing blockages and balancing the flow of energy within.
Because reclaiming her right to enjoy her body as a woman, to touch herself, to be slutty, to be a whore for her own pleasure. It is something that we as women are most denigrated for being! We are subjected to so much shame for being an erotically free girl.
We women get such conflicting messages.
Growing up, we're told not to dress sexually, not to have sex with anyone and everyone, or a lot of terrible things are going to happen if you go out and be sexual, free, magnetic, beautiful and orgasmic, satisfied and pleasurable.
There is so much fear instilled in us. If you kiss several boys in one night or kiss a girl and a boy or two girls, then you are a whore, a whore, and your friends will leave you. You will be traumatized and preyed upon.
But on the other hand, we are also told that we have to marry a man and then all of a sudden we have to be really sexually available to them. You have to be ready when they want. You have to have an orgasm at the right time. Your body should always be orgasmic for someone you love.
It's so confusing. It is brittle. What body can do that?
Really, it's just amazing how we as women can function with all these messages. On the one hand, we must not be too sexually attractive, have sex with a lot and enjoy and be horny, be too sensitive and have too many feelings, not be too orgasmic, not have sex with too many.. blah blah blah. You will go to hell, something terrible will happen, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, no man will want you blah blah blah. Just don't be sexual at all. And then all of a sudden, when you get into a long-term relationship, you have to be sexual whenever your partner wants to be, and even be sexual after having a child, and all that. And at the same time, you also have to be able to look after the house, children and a full-time job. It is such a big pressure on our body and psyche, and to a lesser or greater degree, it is something that we try to endure, or it is something that sits unconsciously in us due to our culture and upbringing.
So part of the journey to release shame is 1) becoming aware of the layers that are there because of this upbringing and culture. 2) It's about meeting your sexual fire, your desire to get wild, to get really sexual.
The importance of getting the necessary tools for the redemption of shame
Very rarely, if ever, are we introduced to techniques that can help us let go of these things. And why not really? Because it is your vagina, it is your body, uterus, ovaries, or if you have had these removed by surgery, then it is your energetic genitals within you. So why not be empowered to let go of all that shame, guilt and trauma?
It is so empowering for us women, because often and very easily we take on a story around ourselves as "broken", or that we are all traumatized, weak, we are all victims.
The majority of women have at some point in their lives or will at some point in their lives experience abuse or feel broken, experience trauma, or have tried to have sex for pleasure but instead experienced pain. But every part of these is something that we have also inherited from previous generations, and there is a core of these that constantly seeks to be strengthened to transform it back to freedom and enjoyment. For freedom and enjoyment is our birthright, so it is truly what we all know deep down is possible and towards which we naturally strive. But we can only do it, create this transformation, if we have the necessary tools.
6 tips for releasing shame through self-pleasure
1. Embrace yourself with love:
Begin your self-pleasure journey by letting go of all prejudices and self-criticism. Instead, approach yourself with compassion and curiosity. Recognize that your pleasure practice is an act of self-love and curious exploration, and whatever shame and guilt may arise is not from you, but is something that comes from outside yourself from society or your family.
2. Engage all your senses:
As you dive into self-pleasure, focus on being present in your body. Notice the sensations that arise and meet each one with attention and love. In this way, you can gradually release any accumulated tension or emotions.
3. Open conversation:
Don't underestimate the healing power of sharing your experiences with your girlfriends and sisterhood. Open conversations about pleasure and sex can help normalize the topic, reduce stigma, and create a supportive environment for self-discovery and healing.
4. Enter into enjoyment and joy
Remember that pleasure and joy are your birthright. When exploring self-pleasure, allow yourself to embrace the positive feelings. They can act as a light that guides you towards a healthier and happier relationship with yourself.
5. The role of the crystal dildo
If you want to take your journey of self-discovery, healing, and self-love to the next level, consider including a crystal dildo in your practice. These beautiful crystals can enhance your connection to your body and your pleasure and act as powerful guides on your path to self-love and healing. To explore your options visit Goddess Temple's selection of crystal dildos here .
6. Reclaim yourself as an ending
What holds so many of us back is the shame that has been placed on the erotically free wild woman. The one who enjoys sex, the one who loves to be fucked deep and deeply into her core. It is she who is oppressed by all that shame. So set her free! It doesn't have to look a certain way.
Because what's so crazy about our culture is that we've been programmed that the only way a hottie or a slut looks is in a short skirt, thigh-high black leather boots, high heels, and maybe expensive lingerie. But it can look exactly as you like. Every woman has her own unique erotic fantasies and desires, her own unique sexy radiance and her own unique orgasmic expression. It can look exactly as you think. So don't let the world tell you what your sexuality looks like. You explore and experience for yourself what your sexuality looks like.
And the interesting thing is that it can become easier to release and all those layers of shame and guilt if we have also allowed ourselves to embrace this strong raw sexy part of us. Reclaiming yourself as an end is really powerful and important.
6. Recover the language of women's sexuality
Slut is the English word for a woman who has a great sexual appetite.
There is also the word harlot or whore, which is used as a great insult for a woman who is a prostitute or who engages in fornication. Whores actually have a very special meaning. In English it is called "whore", and the interesting thing is that in old texts it has been found that "whore" means "cave", "pot" or "womb", "womb".
Isn't it really interesting that there is so much shame around feminine sexuality in our world that they have actually reshaped a word for the female gender to be the most condescending word for a woman today. It got me thinking that the patriarchy has to such an extent transformed such beautiful words for the female gender into something so shameful and condescending.
Language is so powerful and it is what creates our reality, that is why it is so important that we also reclaim our language and the words for our female gender and sexuality. Just as the word "pussy" has also been plastered with so much shame because of the world of porn, I use the word deliberately to create a new meaning, just as engaging in "whore" does not have to be negative, but can actually be a beautiful word . It is an expression of a woman's sexuality. The word har can denote our womb portal, our sacred feminine portal and container that holds our feminine creative powers to create a child, and which is the sacred portal to something higher within us, our orgasms, our pleasure, the portal to the divine .
So I want you with your masturbation practice to see yourself, your pussy, your womb, your desire to fornicate, your erotic desires, your orgasms – see them as just that, as sacred and divine. That you are the embodiment of the Goddess herself! And there is no shame or guilt in that, for you were born to be sexually powerful, so therefore, dear beautiful woman, I wish for you to celebrate and honor you and give you full permission to embrace yourself as a Sex goddess, because you were born to be.
Do you want to experience a deeper connection to your body, free yourself from sexual shame and stagnant energy, and build a healthier and more intimate relationship with yourself? Then the Goddess Temple's online course Aphrodite's Rose is for you!